Harry Potter and the Chamber of Strippers
by AMBro
Summary: This is a funny Harry Potter parody. It's a hilarious mystery. REVIEW IT PLZ!
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Chamber of strippers

Harry was fast asleep when a noise from the ballroom went off. He woke up out of his bed and heard some music playing.

"Come on let me see you shake your tale feather. Come on shake it, shake it, shake it."

He got off of his bed and threw the invisible cloak over his body. He started walking until he reached the hallway, where he saw Snape heading towards the ballroom. He started to follow Snape and the song started to get louder.

"Come on lets do the twist!"

Once he reached the room he saw a fantastic sight. There were poles and cages every where. In the cages were Hermione, Ginny Weasly, Cho Change, Lavender Brown, Katie Bell, and many others.

Dumbledore was standing there looking at the teenagers shaking all around and dancing in revealing clothes.

"Woohoo, I love this!" He yelled with excitement. "Here take this babe-ay." He threw a ten dollar bill in the cage.

Hermione took his long beard and started to stroke it gently.

Over on the other side of the room was Snape dance with a pole. Harry's eyes burned from the horrible sight. There was a whole crowd there.

What's happening?? Harry thought, although this is quite amusing and wonderful I can't believe this happens at night.

"Come on let me see you shake your tail feather. Come on shake it, shake it, shake it."

Right then the girls, and erm, professor Snape bent over and started to shake what they were born with.

Harry stared at the sight of Hermione he loved this side that he had just seen.

Then there was a sudden bump on Harry's back and he was sent flying forward. The invisible cloak flew off and he was revealed. The music stopped all so suddenly and every one stopped dancing.

"Harry is that you?" Dumbledore ask amused. "Lady's get your clothes on, what are you doing?!"

"Harry!" Hermione yelled, "What are you doing? You're a pervert!"

Harry looked down and said, "Yes it is me…"

Everyone stared at him in disappointment.

"Young men aren't supposed to be in this room at night please get out." Dumbledore suggested.

So that is what Harry did.


	2. A Mystery

Chapter 2

_**A Mystery

* * *

**_

The next day Harry woke up to the noise of his alarm clock.

"Ron, wake up! We're late for class."

Ron jumped out of his bed and fell on the ground. "What, what, what's going on. I just remember thinking about dancing chickens."

"Get dressed we're thirty minutes late for our class." Harry said in a hurry. Harry picked out some clothes out of his bag and ran downstairs to his first class at Hogwarts.

Ron followed him. "What's our first class again?"

"The one with Mr. Snape, or shall I say pole dancer."

"What did you just say, pole dancer? That is disgusting, bloody hell."

"Yes, last night I saw some thing very disturbing, but I will tell you later."

They both pushed open the large wooden doors and entered the class room.

"It's so good to see that you are here, and not skipping class," said professor Snape. "Now get to your seats we have a lot to go over."

"Harry over here!" Hermione quietly yelled across the room.

Ron went to sit by a cute blonde girl, while Harry went to the other side to sit by Hermione.

"Harry, where were you? You are late by forty-five minutes."

"Sorry, there was an incident last night and I couldn't fall asleep after I saw that sight." Harry whispered. "Don't you remember?"

"Um, what are you talking about? Have you been reading those one books?"

"What one books, ah, you mean…"

"Hey, don't mention them!" Hermione interrupted.

"Harry, Hermione stop talking. "Do you guys know what clothaless raparo does?"

"Yes, I do professor Snape." Hermione said in a kiss up sort of way. "It's a spell where you can cut some ones clothes."

"Yes that is exactly right. Wizards and Witches use them too you know… Well, you guys have already done the wizard reproductive system so there is no need to talk about that."

Everybody smiled, trying to hold in a laugh.

Hermione put her hand over a piece of paper and slid it to Harry.

"_What happened last night? I don't remember any thing, only a dream about Ron turning into a girl."_

Harry started writing with a feathered ink pen. He slid the paper back to Hermione. Hermione read it and looked back in confusion.

"_You don't remember? I'll just say you called me a pervert and there were cages and poles. How was that dream about Ron. It seems very amusing."_

Hermione wrote back, but before it reached Harry professor Snape murmured some thing.

"Windgardia leviosa."

The paper levitated in the air and folded into professor Snape's pale hands.

"Is this a note you would like to share with the class?" Snape asked curiously.

"No it is not." Hermione spoke quickly.

Even though it was a note not to share, Snape read it any ways to the class. His deep, mono tone voice read it with no expression, and made it even weirder.

_"What happened last night? I don't remember any thing, only a dream about Ron turning in to a girl."_

_"You don't remember? I'll just say you called me a pervert and there were cages and poles. How was that dream about Harry. It seems very amusing."_

_"No I don't, what are you talking about?! I was dreaming of Ron last night. On the plus side Ron was hot as a girl. He had curly long hair."_

"Bloody Hell!" Ron yelled across the room. "I may be hot, but I am not a girl. Maybe I would be a fine one, but that's not the point!"

Snape looked at Harry and Hermione. "What a wonderful note. Harry I think your going crazy. Nothing happened last night, I was on look out."

"But I saw it! I saw it with my own two eyes!"

The bell rang and Harry, Ron, and Hermione headed out of the class room.

"What was that about?" Ron asked anxiously.

"Well last night I saw Hermione cage dancing along with many other students. The worst part is professor Snape was continuously pole dancing."

"Harry what are you talking about?!" Hermione snarled. "I was asleep last night, but you may be right. I woke up today and had nothing on. Also my legs and whole body were cramped. But I don't remember a single thing."

"So, what's going on?" Ron asked in a confused way.

The three of them crossed the marble floor and into the main lobby. They sat down on the red velvet couches and started a conversation.

"Ew, what is this!?!" Hermione screamed in a disgusted high pitched voice. She put her hand under the cushion and grabbed out a pink bra.

"Bloody Hell, I have to observe that." Ron got out a magnifying glass and started to take observation about that bra.

Harry snatched it from Ron and looked at the tag. "It's a size thirty-two. That means…"

"No, it can't be," Hermione said. "It's my bra! How did it get down here?"

"I don't know, but look." Harry pulled out all the cushions.

Under these cushions laid a large pile of clothes, even undies.

"I'm in heaven!" Ron yelled excitedly. He jumped on the couch and started to roll all over, throwing bras and undies into the air.

Suddenly Ron picked up a bra the size of his arms. "Bloody Hell!"

"It can't be," Harry said nervously. "It's, it's…."

"Lord Vaultibra…"


	3. Lord Vaultibra

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Lord Vaultibra**_

"Harry, did you just say Lord Vaultibra?" Hermione said timidly.

"Yes, now I know who's causing all of this dancing and stripping."

"Who?" Ron asked with curiosity.

Hermione hit Ron on the back of the head. "Your stupid, shut up! This is no time for foolishness. There's a huge mystery."

"But I love panties!" Ron yelled with excitement. "They are the joy in life, the key to heaven!" Ron smiled and started stuffing his face with underwear. "Mmmm, this one smells like strawberries." He lifted a purple bra over his body.

"Ron, stop it!" Hermione yelled. "Stop sniffing all those! If you want to sniff bras, sniff mine!"

"Which ones are those?"

"Guys stop it; we need to defend Hogwarts from Lord Vaultibra." Harry suggested. "Now, we have to go to class we'll talk about this later."

The three of them strolled down to their next class with Hagaret. Today's class was outside in the woods so they started to head there. Down by the lake sat Malfoy.

"So what are you losers doing down here?" Malfoy said laughing.

"Our class is in the woods, so move out of our way." Hermione retorted.

"Fine I will move." Malfoy moved to the side and stuck his foot out.

Hermione tripped over his scrawny foot and fell flat on the ground.

"Malfoy, you dirty little cockroach!" Hermione grabbed her wand. "Boobah," she whispered in the wind.

Suddenly to large lumps formed beyond Malfoy's chest. "What did you do to me?!"

"Bloody Hell!" Ron yelled, staring at Malfoy's huge chest.

Malfoy's embarrassment overcame him. Therefore, he ran back into the school to solve his physical appearance.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron laughed on their way to class about Malfoy's new look.

As the three of them walked through the woods they saw bras and undies hanging on the trees.

On one tree laid a lady hanging from the branch. With a bra wrapped around her face. She was out cold, for she had been suffocated by the clothing wrapped around her face.

"Bloody Hell, what is that?"

Harry observed the lady. "There's only one way that this could have happened."

Hermione poked the lady with a stick. "What happened to her? Is this work by Lord Vaultibra?"

"Yes, I believe so." Harry said. "I can't imagine the power of Vaultibra. He seems powerful."

"I never knew bras could be so violent." Ron said jumping in the air trying to grab bras that were dangling from the trees.

A fierce wind moved through the air and knocked the lady of the tree and onto Hermione.

"Ah! Help me! The thing is on me!" Hermione started to run around in circle trying to knock it off of her back.

"Windgardia Leviosa." Harry said. The body then started floating.

"I want to carry it!" Ron put his had out and grabbed it. "It feels squishy."

"Ew, sick." Hermione said disgusted. "Stop holding that thing like that!"

Ron tossed the body on his shoulder and started following Harry. "Where are we going?"

"To show Dumbledore, he will be very suspicious, or not." He started to remember the night that it all began. "I don't know what Dumbledore will think of it. He might know what's going on."

When they reached Dumbledore's office they threw the body on his desk knocking off a stack of parchment.

"What is this?" Dumbledore asked surprised.

"We found it in the woods." Hermione answered. "We were wondering if you have any sort of clue of what is going on in Hogwarts now."

Dumbledore coughed and looked at Hermione. "This means some thing is coming, some thing beyond our control. The same person that killed Harry's parents."

"Yes, we know that it is Lord Vaultibra, but why is he coming?" Ron asked.

"He wants to reveal all the cover-ups in Hogwarts."

"You mean…"

"Yes I mean boobies." Dumbledore said interrupting Harry. "Hermione what ever you do, don't let the stripper take over you."

Hermione looked scared and confused. "This can't be happening!"

As Hermione panicked, the body on the table began to move. It looked like it was having a seizure, but instead it was being possessed by Lord Vaultibra. The white pale body got up off the desk and started dancing. It first took off its shirt and then its pants.

Before it could take any thing else off Dumbledore whispered something under his breathe. "Expectro striponom."

The body then fell on the ground and started doing the worm. Two minutes later the body stopped and laid flat on the ground.

"Bloody Hell."

"Well, that's enough. Now you three get back to class."

The three of them headed out the large doors and went to Transfiguration. In science they all sat by each other. Hagaret came in the room and looked at them.

"Harry, why are you so late to class?"

"Sorry Hagaret, we had to stop in Dumbledore's office."

Hagaret nodded and went on to talk about food. Hagaret liked food, as you could tell from his humongous body. "I like hamburgers. Raise your hand if you like hamburgers." Hagaret yelled beyond the classroom.

Every one in the class raised there hand except for some anorexic kid named Olive.

After five minutes Hagaret started to talk about ice cream.

Hermione looked out the window to gaze at the sparkling light, but instead she saw some thing else. In the window was a flying bra.

The bra broke into the window, making it shatter into pieces. Every one in the classroom started screaming as the bra flew over their heads.

The bra then wrapped the two lumps around the anorexic kids head and started to squeeze. Olive's head was about to explode.

Hagaret ran up to the kid and put his mouth around the bra. He tried pulling it off, but at first it wouldn't budge. Then it got loose and Hagaret swallowed the bra along with Olive's head.

Olive's body fell to the ground with blood sprinkling out of the neck.

When Hermione looked back outside, far in the distance she saw figures approaching. When she got a better look she knew that it was even more bras, not just two but almost a thousand.

Hermione then farted with nervousness. She did not know what to do.


	4. It All Begins

_**Chapter 4**_

_**It All Begins **_

Ron, Harry, and Hermione peered out the dusty glass windows. Bras were approaching fast.

The teacher rushed all the students into the bathrooms for safety. The three of them followed.

"Harry, what's going on?" Hermione asked nervously. "Are we going to die?"

Harry looked at her. "I will answer your question later, but right now I have to do some thing."

"Harry, are you going to fight and try to protect Hogwarts?"

Harry looked at Hermione in a confused way. "No I was just going to the urinal to empty out my bladder." Harry walked to the urinal and started doing his own business.

"Sick…" Hermione said to Ron, who was hiding under a sink.

"The bras are coming. Now, I don't see how girls can where those things." Ron put his hands over his head.

On the other side of the doors you could her booms and explosive farts, for there were people going to the bathrooms in the stalls. The booms were from the toilet water.

Now on the other side of the bathroom door was a shattering sound. The bras were just entering.

All the students started panicking, and running around in circle. Ron in other hands was under the sink screaming like a girl. Harry was still doing his business and Hermione was just standing there.

"Harry hurry it up! You're taking forever!"

Harry then flushed the urinal and walked back next to Hermione. "I'm going out there to help."

Hermione looked at him. "No you can't, its way to dangerous." On the other side of the door laid the sound of spells, such as "Clothaless Raparo, Expectro Striponom, and Windgardia Leviosa."

Suddenly an earthquake began next to the stalls and urinals. The urinals and toilets shattered to pieces leaving a whole in the ground and wall. Out of these holes came flying bras.

"Get ready!" Hermione said getting her wand out of her pocket. "Clothaless Raparo!" She aimed the wand at a bra and it ripped in half.

Soon all the classmates started to join her. Harry got out his wand and started chanting spells.

Ron was still under the sink, but now he was screaming even more.

Hermione aimed her wand at the bra, but before she could say any spell it attached to Ron's head. "Bloody Hell!"

Soon all the bras flew towards the Ron and started attaching to him. Under all the bras you could here his voice. "I think they like me! No doubt about it, but I am sexy."

Every one in the bathroom started laughing about Ron's comment, for they thought the complete opposite.

The bras then started to squeeze Ron. Ron yelled and screamed as the classmates looked at the pile of clothing.

Hermione and Harry started to cut the cloth with there spells, but before they got to the bottom Ron jumped out all pale and with a bra on. Everyone knew that he was being possessed by Lord Vaultibra. Ron then started dancing so everybody rushed towards the exit.

Harry and Hermione followed the crowd, but on the other side of the door laid much more danger.

The door broke off its hinges because of all the commotion and rampage. Bras and undies started flying in. Two bras grabbed Ron and levitated him in the air. The bras crashed through the window, turning the window into thousands of little pieces.

"Hurry, we got to help him, Harry!" Hermione ran across the bathroom floor and jumped out the window grabbing Ron's legs.

Harry followed, but instead did some thing smarter and used a spell. "Clothaless Raparo." The bras didn't seem to rip nor did they seem to be affected. So he now noticed these were not normal bras, they were size triple Ds the only bras that were not affected to spells.

Behind Harry came a bra. It knocked him out the window cutting him from the remaining glass on the area where the window used to be.

Harry fell two stories from the building, as Hermione flew over.

In the air Hermione was still there hanging on to Ron's black tinted pants. Of course he was still dancing, so he slipped off his belt and off came his pants. Hermione fell with Ron's pants in her grip. She fell on top of Harry, making a strange sight.

Out of the bathroom flew hundreds of bras and undies. Some of them carried students and one of them carried professor Snape.

Harry and Hermione sat there on the damp, green grass.

"We have to do something. They not only stole Ron, but many other students as well."

Harry got up off the ground and gave Hermione his hand. "Let's go, but first we should go to Dumbledore and find out what just happened. He might not know as before, but we have to get as much information as we can."

Hermione agreed and followed Harry. "Isn't it a good thing I didn't wear a bra today?"

Harry looked at Hermione. "You didn't wear a bra?"

"No I listened to Dumbledore. If I was wearing a bra today I might be dead."

Harry just continued with his walk to the front door. Is hip was sore and so were many other places.

When they entered the doors they saw bodies on the ground doing the worm. Some were even acting like chickens, and some were just farting.

Hermione looked at the bodies in despair. "What the heck is going on? This is not right." She grabbed her wand and started to poke a guys butt. "For some reason it seems squishier than normal."

Harry looked back at her. "How do you know have you felt it before?!"

Hermione stood there and stared, "Maybe. Well I couldn't resist he was my ex-boyfriend and I had to see what he had in the trunk."

Harry nodded his head and smiled as he tried to hold in a laugh.

Right before Dumbledore's office appeared a Pale white body in a bra and underwear jumped out of the wall.

The two of them stopped right in their tracks. Hermione pointed to the bodies butt and saw a lump. Not only did it smell, but it also had a faint color of brown.

The thing started doing flips and got out num chucks that were hidden in the bra. The thing shot the num chucks at Hermione. Hermione fell to the ground and felt the pain. It was so painful that she started to cry.

Harry wanted to defend her, but didn't know how. He was completely confused.


	5. A Long Journey

_**Chapter 5**_

_**A long Journey**_

Harry pulled out his wand ready for the next move made by the pale half naked body. Before he could chant a single spell the body went flying across the room.

Five feet left of Harry was Dumbledore. "So I'm glad to see you two out in these halls alive and not half naked. Some thing strange is overcoming Hogwarts and its part of Lord Vaultibra's plan."

Harry walked forward to professor Dumbledore. "May we walk to your office? I can't focus with all these naked dead people lying on the ground."

"As you wish."

Harry and Hermione followed Dumbledore. Harry spotted some one off in the distance of the hall and ran over to the body. "No, this can't be."

Hermione ran up behind Harry and looked down. She saw the body of Cho Chang. She was dead and had become a prune. They could tell it was her by the hair and the shriveled up face.

Harry picked up Cho and started to bite her hand. "Mm, this is actually pretty good. Taste like raisins!"

Hermione looked at Harry in confusion. "Harry, are you sure she's a prune!?" Hermione bent down over Harry and noticed a sudden change of smell. "Um, Harry, I don't know how to tell you this, but… that's not a prune it's a turd! Cho Chang turned into a turd, or it's just a turd that looks like her…"

Harry looked up; Hermione saw that there were brown chunks on his face.

Harry threw the turd behind him and it landed into Dumbledore's beard. Dumbledore dropped his jaw and started running around screaming.

"Get it out, Get it out!"

The two clueless students looked at Dumbledore. Suddenly there was a sudden explosion. They now knew that the turd wasn't a normal turd, but a chunky, tasty, explosive turd.

"Harry, what do we do now? You insolent fool!" Hermione aimed her fist at Harry's face.

Harry fell to the ground and started crying. "I thought you loved me!"

"Oh but I do love you!" Hermione grabbed Harry and started kissing him, which soon turned to making out, and well you get the point…

TWO HOURS LATER

"Oh, that sure was an adventure!" Hermione said getting up. "Now back to business we need to find Lord Vaultibra."

Harry looked at Hermione while licking his lips. "Oh yea we do."

"You're disgusting! I don't like you; I've already told you that." Hermione then walked out the door with Harry following.

At first they walked east, and then they walked west. They didn't know where to go, but then they found something that would help them on their journey to finding Lord Vaultibra. It was a trail of bras.

The two students followed the trail. On the way there they stopped in their tracks to find out that they were in for a treat.


	6. Obese Harry

Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

_**The Bra-ed Goat**_

Right in front of Hermione and Harry was a cupcake. Of course, this was not a terrible treat that was to be thought to find on a path of bras and panties, but this cupcake wasn't a normal cupcake. It was a fatty Mcfat cupcake, the only food in the world to turn you obese for ten whole minutes.

Harry and Hermione ran up to the cupcake with their fat jiggling every where. Although they are not fat, they were starving and could literally eat a whole pig.

"Harry, are you sure that's sanitary?? You know it might be poisoned by Lord Vaultibra or his evil comrades."

Harry looked at Hermione and rolled his eyes. "Hermione, you are such a dimwitted fool. Why would there be a cupcake if they didn't want us to eat it."

Looking at the cupcake suspiciously, Hermione bent down and picked up the cupcake. She then sniffed the fat, large thing and gave it to Harry.

"You eat it! I can't do it. Even though I'm hungry, I'm not an obese grandma!"

Stuffing the cupcake in his mouth, Harry fell to the ground because of a sudden change in body weight. His arms and legs then turned fat a flabby like an obese grandma. When he looked down at his belly it grew about thirty five inches.

Sadly, these two children were not on a flat landed area but on a hill. As the fat student sat there his body started leaning to one side. The poor wizard could not help himself, for his weight was beyond the unthinkable.

Hermione just watched Harry roll down the hill and laughed. "Oh boy!! I just love fat men!" Harry was now at the bottom of the hill with Hermione running after.

At the bottom of the hill was Harry. He was just lying still helplessly. As Hermione came running down the hill after Harry, she slipped on a small rounded goat turd. She then fell flat on her face. At the bottom of the hill was another large goat turd that Hermione's face landed into.

Thinking that the brown lump was chocolate, Hermione licked her lips. "Oh my god, this is the best chocolate I've ever tasted! Harry, we have to find more!"

Leaving Harry alone, Hermione left to go look for more "chocolate". Beyond the trees and bushes, Harry could here something approaching and it didn't sound pretty.

"Hermione, come back! I think I hear something." Harry looked to his left and right and heard something in the bushes. Out of the bushes to his left came a large female goat, but this goat was unlike many others. Around its chest area was a bra containing two large lumps.

"HERMIONE!" Harry yelled cautiously. "There is a hairy woman approaching me! I need you now!"

Suddenly, there was a rumbly in the goat's tummy. The goat then sat down like a dog and started to take a crap. When it got up there was this small brown lump on the ground.

"Hermione! I think I found your chocolate!"

Hermione came rushing to Harry looking for the "chocolate". "Harry, where is it? I don't see it anywhere. I just see this…this…thing with lumps!" Hermione looked at Harry and turned her head back at the goat and screamed. "Harry! What is that?"

"Do I look like I know? It is obviously a hairy woman with two large horns. I believe it is the daughter of the devil! Hairy beast step away or I will curse you with no clothes!" Harry then started to dig in his pants for a wand, but he couldn't reach his pocket because he had a big body and little arms.

The goat just stood there, and farted repeatedly for about twenty seconds.

"Mm, smells like my moms baked bean casserole," said Hermione.

"Mm, that does sound good! This bloody woman is hideous she's disturbing my thoughts. We have to kill her for food! Do it Hermione, now!"

Hermione looked at Harry with a sad look on her face. "Do we have to? She's so cute!! I just want to pinch those large cheeks of hers!" Hermione, feeling so excited, walked up to the goat and pinched its cheek (maybe not the cheeks you are thinking of…)

The goat just stood there on all fours and started singing a song. "Cheese is the cheese! The cheese is the cheese that is the cheesiest cheese of the cheesiest cheese of cheese. I am a goat, I like to bark, ruff!"

Harry looked at the goat and started licking his lips. "Stop singing of cheese! Mm, we have to kill her, unless you want to die…"

"No! I can't its gorgeous! Harry, you do it. Don't tell me to do your dirty work."

"Let's see, I'm an obese grandpa. Do I look like I can do anything at the moment?"

"Harry, hasn't it been ten minutes? You fool. You had to eat the cupcake. It might kill you, dimwit. Now, we are stuck here, and it's your entire fault." Hermione ran over to the tree and started crying, "We are never going home!" After two seconds she stopped crying, and quickly snatched the turd off the ground and through it at Harry's fat stomach, but instead it bounced off and hit Hermione in the face.

"Hermione, did you throw something at me?" Harry looked at Hermione and noticed that there was a brown spot on her face.

"What are you talking about? I didn't throw anything. How could I throw that when I am crying? A pine cone must have fallen on you."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Sure, whatever you say."

Hermione started to walk back and forth and noticed that the goat had left. "Where did that hairy woman go? She was going to be my friend!" When she looked back at Harry he was the normal size again, but unconscious. "Harry, are you there?" She walked up to him and started to slap his face. "Harry! Wake up! You can't do this! I need you!"

This young student started to kick Harry's butt nervously, thinking it might help his bodily functions.


	7. Sexy Norwayian Man

With the release of a long, continuous flow of gas from the bottom, Harry awoke and shrank to his normal size.

"What happened, Hermione? And why is there a brown spot on your face? I seem to have forgotten everything...Well, except how much I love you!" Harry looked at Hermione's body then winked.

Hermione covered up her privates and kicked him in the crotch, "Don't be such a pervert! You are a disgusting cockroach! Now, if you are done looking at my sexy body, we need to go find Ron. We were just approached by a horned, hairy woman. Do you remember now?"

Harry got to his feet and began pacing back and forth, "Aha! I remember now! I remember that ugly woman. I remember the bras! I remember everything! We must get going. Stop wasting our time by standing there, covering up your privates! We have a friend to save!"

Hermione rolled her eyes and followed Harry even though neither of them knew where exactly they were going. There were two paths they could follow, a path of underwear or a path of bras but neither of them had the slightest idea as to which one to take.

Harry looked at the two paths. He grabbed one bra and a pair of underwear and began to observe with his magnifying glass, "Mhmmm...Aha! Mhmmm...Aha!"

After a continuous two minutes of Mhmmm-ing and Aha-ing, Hermione snatched the magnifying glass from Harry.

"Hey, what did you do that for! I have come to a conclusion! With careful observations, I have lead us on the right path... We must follow the bras!"

Hermione, baffled by the possible intelligence Harry presented, stared at him in amazement, "How did you figure it out?"

"Well, since I like breasts more, I decided to go with bras. It's just that simple, Hermione, you don't need to be a super genius to figure this out."

Hermione's amazement soon vanished and she, yet again, followed the decision of a nerdy idiot.

After twenty six minutes and thirty eight seconds of following the path, Hermione and Harry heard the voice of a great Norwegian man. The earth trembled before them, but mainly because this man was a fatty. He was a good height of fourteen feet and a good weight of thirteen hundred pounds and rested his hands on his titties. As he emerged upon the horizon, he began slapping his man breasts and singing his great Norwegian song, "Jeg liker stort for og jeg kan ikke ligge!"

"Hermione, you're smart! What is he saying? I don't speak Norwayian!"

"Obviously, Harry. if you did, you would know it is Norwegian. From what I know, I believe he likes big butts and can't lie. But I am very uncertain. It seems like a strange song to sing at a time like this..."

Harry looked at Hermione as if she was high on something other than drugs, "What do you mean? It's not a strange song! I like big butts, too! Not to mention big titties, but not man titties!" Harry then proceed by doing the shimmy.

"Of course, I know. I suppose it is the call of the horny idiots." Little did Hermione know, the obese man stood right before her.

"I no idiots. I good speaking English!" With the roar of his voice, Hermione and Harry fell to the ground and started flailing their limbs.

"I called you beautiful and said you are not an idiot! Yes, that is exactly what I said!" Hermione cried.

The large man picked up hermione and started to lick her hair, "Mmmmm, Just like me lollipops from lolliland! Taste like lollipops from lolliland! I like lollipops from lolliland! Lollilolli let me see you drop your body."

Hermione very quickly became disgusted and started kicking his tongue. Harry, on the other hand, remained flailing his arms, believing he was about to meet his death, "Please don't kill me! I am just a skinny white boy!"

Hermione looked down at harry and hawked a loogy at him. "What are you doing Harry? I need some help! He's going to swallow me soon!"

Harry looked up at Hermione and started crying and crapping his pants, "What do I do! Do I use my wand?" Harry pulled the wand out of his pants and used the first spell he could think of, clothaless reparo.

With the swift flick of his wand, the large man's clothes unfortunately fell of. The large man released Hermione and tried covering his body that was too large for his small hands.

Hermione backed away from the man with her eyes closed, "I told you to help me, not blind me!"

Harry grabbed Hermione's hand and ran from the man, refusing to look back. Under his feet he could feel the ground moving, which only meant one thing, the man was rolling after them. Hermione looked back and fainted due to the sight of a black abyss known as the butt crack. Harry tried dragging her body across the ground, but managed to only soil his panties yet again.


End file.
